Keep Talking, Even When It Gets Awkward

Geplaatst op 15-02-2023

When you first start cold approaching women, you are going to hit an awkward point in the conversation. It’s inevitable. In order to grow you have to know what that feels like, force your mind to chill out, force your mouth to open, and stay in the conversation.

“The key… is to talk about things you’re interested in. When you ask the boring questions you are seeking a rapport based on things that you and she might share, or as an attempt to get to know more about her. You definitely need to learn who she is and find out information about her, but the more organic way to do that, I’ve found, is to be genuinely interested in various things and to bring them up in a way that conveys your emotional interest.

Finish the following statements.

You know what I love?
You know what I hate?
You know what sucks?
You know what’s awesome?
You know what I miss?
You know what I’m really looking forward to?
You know what sucks about x town/country as opposed to y town/country?

And so on. Note that just like it’s not advisable or necessary to say, “I need a quick opinion,” for an opinion opener, the same holds true with the questions above. The point is that these things are fodder for topics of emotional interest for YOU. When guys are trying to get girls they scramble for common ground instead of just talking about what’s interesting to them. To make it a conversation, just pause your monologue and ask for input. “Have you ever done anything like that?” “You know what I’m talking about, I’m sure,” etc. This is key, otherwise you’re just monologuing. There’s an oft-cited rubric that the first part of the conversation is going to be 80% you and 20% her. Some of that is giving a number to the level of conversational leadership you ought to have, but some of that is just not letting the ball drop. You started the conversation, so the onus of continuing it falls on you. With that in mind, if a girl is zippy and eager to talk, pay attention.

When you speak, filter your conversation through the five major attraction switches:
1.) Preselection
2.) Leadership
3.) Protection
4.) Non-Reactiveness / Not Seeking Reaction
5.) Willingness to Walk Away

From there, she will do what any autonomous human being will do and contribute to the conversation in any number of ways. In any given conversation people will bring up Stuff. I think Braddock and Mr. M call these “trigger words,” which, please correct me if I’m wrong, guys, sounds a lot like fancy talk for “listening to someone when he or she is talking and responding accordingly.” Depending on her response, you can

1.) Bust her balls/ tease her/ challenge her/ etc.
2.) Relate to her/ demonstrate mastery of the topic/ demonstrate understanding
3.) Validate her/ praise her/ reward her
4.) Ask for more information

I’m breaking it down Barney-style, but you might recognize that last ordered list by it’s other name: Normal Conversation. The value relationship to each of those is suitable for another post, because this is really one long sidetrack.

See, the real moral to the story is that even if you forget that handy-dandy conversational tool above, you still don’t leave the interaction because of social pressure. Even if you actually, literally shit yourself (okay, maybe then). Realistically attraction is stoked in the first minute, and it gets solid in the first five minutes. If that little voice in your head is saying, “She doesn’t like you! She’s looking at you like a hobo covered in poo! Run for your life!” you need to take a deep breath and sit tight. That little voice is focusing on the wrong thing, which is either a.) getting the girl to like you or b.) sleeping with her. When you hit that point of social awkwardness and weirdness, you automatically have a new mission: figure out how to deal with the awkwardness. After all, if you have nowhere to go but up, you might as well start climbing!

Yes, eventually you should trust that voice in your head. At some point he becomes an ally again. But if that inner voice is nervous about social pressure and doesn’t know how to gracefully handle awkwardness then he needs to be beaten down. You’ll know when it is. It’s ironic to put at the end of a group of numbered lists describing conversational flow, but this stuff should be instinctive and fluid eventually. You’ll know it because you’ll feel it. When that point comes, yeah, walk away. But in the mean time you need to stick it out and be willing to experiment.

Since we’re now into outcome dependence, that’s a good time to stop.